Do you ever just realize that you're fucking stuck but nothing's really changed and you keep doing, you know, lighting the candle and listening to meditations but like nothing's actually changing, nothing's actually making a difference and it's because you haven't gone deep enough into what you're currently doing right now, what you're currently living.
Your literal existence and the way that you operate, you haven't sat and gotten mindful about why it is you are the way you are, the way that you speak, the way that you get triggered by something, the way that you respond, the way you're feeling, what makes you envious, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you defensive.
What you want to do is actually start understanding where this shit is coming from because if you don't start getting familiar with yourself, how the fuck are you supposed to like harness your fucking. Divine power and like make massive moves in your life and business. Like we need to really get to the root of that.
And that's exactly what we're going to dive into in this episode. I'm going to explain to you a little bit of a journey I went on by simply taking time with the family time away from my business. The universe has forced me, the universe then grants us time and space to reflect on ourselves. And that's where the work needs to be done.
So when you start listening and paying attention to what the universe is showing you, this is how we do a deep dive to deconstruct some of that crazy ass bullshit we got to burn down in order to move forward and make real money. So let's get into a little bit of the history behind that right now.
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, my mystics of stars, my fellow creative and multi passionate souls. It's your host here, Jessica mystic. And this is the show where I'm going to teach you how to make the most of your life and your business through mindful magic and developing cash habits that will help you manifest more money.
As you begin to burn down the bullshit and curate the chaos in order to save you your sanity and create. A beautiful life of your dreams, like that's just what it's about, right? What is the point of living if we're not creating the life of our dreams? What is, what's the fucking point? Just bored to suffer.
Like, I refuse. I already suffer enough physically, I'd already be suffering my whole life. That's ridiculous. So, here we go. Let's get into today. I really want to start this episode by explaining how I came to this episode. It's funny, in the last year, I went on a few different trips. I was going to Canmore with the fam.
We love going to Canmore by the way. Canmore, Alberta, beautiful spot. Love it. Way more than Banff if you're ever travelling. And mostly because there's a lot of gluten free places to eat there as well. And I just love, I just love the vibe. It's so dope. So we usually stay in a cabin up there and we putz around, but I digress.
And in one of the crystal rock shops, because there's tons of them there, think of Canmore as like your Midwest version of Sedona. I guess the Sedona count is Midwest. Anyway, it doesn't matter. There was an Epidote stone and I was super drawn to it and then I got really obsessed with Epidote for a while and I'm, I'm, I love crystals.
If you don't know that about me yet, like I am obsessed. Like I am your crystal witch woman. Like I'm all about like geodes are life. Rock solid in my veins, which is so ironic considering I'm Starseed, but nonetheless, Epidote obsessed, been obsessed with it. I've been coming across it so much more frequently.
And for, at first, I kind of just had this weird feeling, almost I wanted, I'm like, well, I don't really want, that's not what I came in here for, but it kept popping up because they have a way of popping up and telling us when we need to work with them and when our energies are needing assistance or alignment with a certain crystal or energy or there's work to be done, the universe keeps putting it in our path.
And then after this trip had taken place, a friend of mine gifted me crystals. I believe it was for my birthday. It was either birthday or Mother's Day. But she gifted me a crystal and it was Epidote. And she got it in the same place, at the same shop that I got my piece from. So I was like, okay, I need to start working with this crystal.
So to give you a little backstory, like, Epidote is like your nature magic. It helps you release. Old energies, and it's, it's empath support. Now, most of us empaths, we have some kind of trauma that we've been dealing with. We've gone through a traumatic experience. We have heightened sensitivities to things, which is what then in turn makes us an empath, which I believe is most people who are empathic are also divergent or on the spectrum.
And it's just, it's just what makes us who we are. So I can almost guarantee if you're listening to this podcast that you two are an empath or can relate in some way. Knowing that I'm the witchy witch and I love my witchcraft and my crystals, I want you to think about. Epidote is the most common,
it's one of those crystals that is like, it's like Velcro energy that's been sticking to you forever, and Epidote is one of those crystals that helps like dispel old energies that are not yours, and when you start working with Epidote, you kind of get lost because just like the stories that are in our head and the stories we tell ourselves and the stories we choose to believe in how we live our life, Epidote makes you realize how much of it's just, it's not yours.
Like how much shit you're carrying that's not even your own. Like a lot of my pain and my sorrow and like I started learning more about ancestral trauma and understanding like, How we carry our parents traumas and our parents issues and energetic, like it's an energetic chain that's been passed down forever.
So having like the ability to sit and forgive our ancestors in our past and like heal those old wounds energetically, how that is what in turn lifts the burden of where we are today.
That's really good. Just drinking myself a little, having a margarita actually, I haven't had a margarita and I don't know how many years. But it just felt fitting. I'm like celebrating today. So this is my annual drink. I have like a Christmas drink every year. So this year, I just tried a little hand margarita.
But anyway, it's funny because the can is green. Epidote's green. We're all about green, which is like a total healing heart energy. So that's what's happening right now. But this empath support, it raises the question, is this energy really mine? And this is so important going into this episode, because when we start asking ourselves, Is this energy really mine or when we quick to like jump into being really defensive about something or when we have a strong opinion on something I urge you to start asking is this energy really mine because often when we get really really aggressive or really triggered it's usually someone else's shit we're carrying that we're then responding to so when we feel really defensive about something like when someone makes fun of a family member or Or if someone's talking about if someone's like, for example, if someone was talking down about soldiers or PTSD or something like that, I would get really aggravated and feel like I had to defend soldiers and those with PTSD because my father was in the military and I would like it really.
Upset when people talk shit about military people, then I realized like, why am I the one getting so upset about this? My dad's not here. He's not upset about this conversation, you know, and things like that. So like just simple questions where you start asking, why is this upsetting me? Because at the end of the day, when you hear a rumor or you hear something, that's been a story being told about someone, or whatever it is you hear either initially, you're going to say, Oh yeah.
And you agree with that. And you're like, okay, yeah, that's truth. Or when you get defensive and you're like, well, that's not true. Well if it's not true then it doesn't bother you. So when you have that emotion behind it, I want you to ask yourself where it's coming from. The reason I'm getting into this question, and the reason I'm talking about Epidote, is when we learn to clear out old outdated energies that are not our own, and we actually make stronger energetic boundaries and uphold like what actually resonates with us in the moment.
And this can change over time. What you believe now, what you stand for now might be very different in five years from now. And that's okay. As long as you are energetically backing the, the opinion that you have and the energy that you're carrying, as long as it's your own and you're not holding onto other people's shit.
So when you're drawn to Epidote, it's kind of this. It's like opening up your sixth sense. Like, your ultimate knowing. It's, it's the awakening. So, it's what you've already known that's carrying you, but you're kind of like, resistant to actually understanding or looking, and you just accept that, I am, this is just the way I am.
This is just the way I think. This is just the way I feel. Nothing is ever just the way you think, feel, or believe. Because you have the power to change that at any given moment. You can be a completely different person tomorrow if you really wanted to. It's possible. And whether or not you want to, is the question.
So this intuition, like your inner witchiness, your inner woo, right, that's guiding you, your gut feeling, your heart, this crystal will help you create these boundaries. So if you don't work with Epidote, strongly recommend you start getting one, especially if you'd label yourself an empath. That's, that's the crystal for you.
Go get some fucking Epidote.
It's also really good at dealing with headaches, which is ironic because when I started doing this inner work and I started doing all of this awareness, it was blowing my fucking mind, but to the point where it felt like it was blowing a hole in my skull sometimes, like migraines increased and like it was just, it was intense.
It was intense. And I think a lot of those headaches, like you think of your crown and your third eye chakra, and it's that knowing, right? So when you're opening that knowing, we're opening our crown. And when you're looking into the future and you're, you're seeing in a different way, like with your third eye, and then you might find when you start working with it, you start getting sick, like your throat's bothering you or your chest.
Cause like your heart and your throat are going to be changing. So it's like, The activations that take place when you're clearing, we always get sick before we get better because you got to get that fucking poison out. So this poison that you're carrying around, this weight, this energy that's not your own, these stories, like there was a lot of this despair I carried for years.
And I don't say this to shame anyone or to shame my mother, but my mother, my mother has had a very traumatic life. My mother has been alone. She's had to look out for herself since she was a child. My mother's always been the outcast, she's always been different, she's always been able to see both sides, and she operates very differently, and my mother is an incredibly strong woman who has sacrificed everything for her children, time and time again, and I absolutely love my mother, but there's also a lot of pain, a lot of hurt, and as I talk about this, I might start to tear up a bit because I do channel it, and it's Even though she's never put it on me to have to take care of her, I didn't realize that a lot of my despair and disdain and heartache was rooted in how I felt I needed to take care of her and how I wanted her to be better, and I carried that with me because she was my mom.
And then when I think of this deeper, I look at like how we were, she was a military wife, we were a military family. My parents are divorced now and all that, but the years of like dealing with me and my brother and my dad being overseas and back then, like there was no cell phones. If you're lucky, you'd get a satellite phone call, maybe a month or so into deployment and you could be talking to him for three to 30 seconds, or maybe you'd get 30 minutes.
You wouldn't know. And her having to raise us and my brother, my brother growing up, there was a lot of challenges there. We went through many, many different schools. We were always the new kids. I can't even imagine. My daughter only just started at a new school this year, and that was hard for her, and she's only five.
And I can't imagine doing that every single year. I went to more than 13 schools before I even graduated grade 12. And I was always the new kid. And just that immense loneliness and like being from a military background. This is where like we're going from the ground up. Like when I say we're doing the deep work from the fucking ground up, the foundations and the stories.
And the energies I've been carrying that were not my own came from my upbringing as an army brat. And I'm not throwing shade to the military. I mean, I sure as shit wouldn't make a very good soldier. But
you are taught from a very young age not to get close to anyone. The world is a fucking war zone. And I mean it is. It's very hostile out there. But again, it's where you choose. To put your focus and where you choose to lead with love or not, and you're taught from a very young age not to speak up, not to stand out, like.
You know, especially if you're living in the PMQs and stuff, like, you're not to have a political opinion, you're not to be a part of anything, we were just supposed to exist, you don't talk, you don't do, you just are, and you're told to blend in, even though we never really did, especially me, we all know that I stand out a little bit, but that's where fear of being seen comes into play, and I have this immense anxiety That I've been trying to work through this last year with travel, which is ironic because I did travel a lot.
Like I've lived all over the world. I'm very fortunate the military meant that when I was like 16 months old, I think it was like I was a year and something 16, 18 months. I don't know, but my father was posted to Germany. So I grew up overseas. And I didn't move to Canada until just before my seventh birthday.
And then I kind of grew up in Western Canada. I moved my whole life, and I associate with always being a nomad, never settling down. This affected my relationships. I never settled down. I said I would never buy a house, I would never get married, I would never have a family. Then I met my husband, which apparently changed all that.
I don't know which craft he put on me, I look back at these foundations, you can see how these unfold and how we repeat these, these expectations of ourselves. This was just a learned habit. I remember someone saying to me once that they were a therapist who dealt with people who were uprooted all the time.
And it was actually a form of trauma and I got very defensive and I'm like, uh, no, that's not true. I'm fucking fine. Thanks. Meanwhile, I was suffering postpartum depression and seeing a therapist and everything else. So no, I wasn't fine, but this is when I started. to realize these things. And then when I came across this epidote, I started working with that and I was like, holy shit, I carry a lot more baggage than I thought.
Like I thought I wasn't that bad, but like, no, I was carrying a lot. Like the work ethic behind this. Think of your work ethic. Do you honestly feel like you need to hustle and grind and like you need to work yourself to the bone to be appreciated, to prove your worth, to have value? Because I was constantly fighting.
The world was my battlefield. I was constantly on a mission. And like, always on the lookout. Someone's always coming to get me. Someone's always going to be after me. And then I had abusive relationships. I was in a very abusive relationship for years. And I still carry that fear. Someone's going to get me.
If things are too good, someone's going to hurt me. If things are too good, I'm going to die before I can appreciate it. Something bad is going to happen to me if I'm not at home. There is no safe zone. In fact, I never felt safe until my husband and I got our first home. And I remember thinking like, this is the first time I've ever felt at home.
I never had a home. I never felt at home. I never thought I deserved a home.
So I'd ask you, like, how does the stories and the way that you grew up, how does that affect how you see the way that you operate, you know, your relationships are, how you define yourself and your worth, the way that you work. You know, my dad always says, sometimes a job is just a job. You just have to show up and do the job, because that's what a soldier's taught.
No, it doesn't, you're not, life's not about being comfortable. Just show the fuck up and do your job, and look out for everyone else as well. So that's exactly what I did all my life. I showed the fuck up, I worked my ass off, I did the damn thing, and I was just thankful I was alive at the end of the day.
But that means I was living in a constant state of survival, and I still fight that continuously on a daily basis. And I have this anxiety, all these dreams and these visions and What I want to do and I want to travel and to be on stage and to do this podcast and to write books and to spread the word and inspire people all over the world.
But even just to go, when I used to tattoo conventions, when I had my daughter, just to leave her for three days, I would go absolutely apeshit. I would bawl my eyes out all night. I have this immense anxiety that if I am not at home, I'm going to die. If I am not at home, if I'm away from my children, it'll be the last time I see them.
And as I've explained all of this here, It completely makes sense why I felt this way, but I hope you recently just unpacked this. This was my major aha moment, was realizing my fear of traveling and being too far from my family. If I go out, so I'm going to Italy in May, I'm really excited. I'm going to Italy in May.
I'm going to the biotech conference. What I was terrified was like, I'm going to be across the world away from my family. So what if I don't come home? And I was like, why am I so scared that I'm not going to come home? Like when I went to a mastermind recently in September, I went to a mastermind in LA and I got into an Uber by myself.
And I was like, this is it. This is where something bad is going to happen to me. I'm going to get an accident. This person's gonna be a bad person, they're gonna kill me, there's gonna be a gang fight, I'm gonna get shot by a drive by, there's just the things that would go through my head or I'm, oh this is it, I'm gonna have a stroke because I had strokes before so it's constant fear in the back of my mind, but like something bad's gonna happen to me and it was brought up in that mastermind, they're like what's your fear and I slipped over to Sam.
And I said, I'm afraid I'm going to pass out. She's you're scared you're going to pass out. That's your fear right now. And I'm like, well, something bad's going to happen. And that's when I started working with this fear, something bad's going to happen. If something, if I do this, something bad's going to happen.
I'm not safe. And I really had to anchor in to, I am safe. It is okay. I can go home and come back. But I grew up believing that if a parent was to leave. We were expected to say our goodbyes and they might not come home again and I have carried that with me for my entire life. Like, now I sit here and I ramble about my upbringing and I didn't have a bad upbringing by any means.
But when I start to think about how my upbringing has affected the way that I operate in this world and where my anxieties come from. And where I feel safe, I invite you to sit down and do the same thing. And Epidote's a great crystal for that. If you don't have Epidote, you can find Rose Quartz really easy and you can work on like filling that space with love.
We should probably do like a release exercise next week. But I want you to really start assessing what's coming up when you respond. If you're working with a coach, if you're working with a client, If you're out with friends and someone says something that triggers you and you have an immediate like either you disagree or you get really excited or assess what, what's happening.
Sometimes you'll get like a physical sensation before you even have a thought or a word. And I want you to realize whenever that comes from like a, an intense like, Ooh, like an intense either anger or fear or just like whenever you're just triggered in general, if you read something on the internet and you're like, Oh, what is it about that?
Where is that coming from? What is that energy? Is that energy your own? Because our foundations are built upon the beliefs and the stories that were told to us as when we were children. And we accepted them because we are children, we are innocent, we are naive, like our job as parents is to tell them what the world is.
In fact, I think there's too much pressure on us to tell them what the world is when they do need to just experience it, because I've had to correct my own stories with my daughter, because she'll repeat things back to me, and I'll be like, You know what? No, you're, you're right. That's not, that's not true.
It doesn't need to be that way.
Why do we feel like we need to instill, it's one thing to instill your knowledge and your wisdom, but like, honestly, if no one fucking asked you, let them figure it out themselves. We are control freaks because too much has happened to us, and we don't want it happening again.
I'm gonna let you sit with that today, and I want you just to really lean into like, asking yourself these questions, and thinking of where this comes from. Because as we go forward, I want this to spark some conversation. Cause the way that you operate, the way that you put aside time for yourself, the way that you scramble to get shit done and fit stuff into your schedule for everyone else and fall victim to people pleasing or the TMTD, too much to do disease, this is affecting you this way because it's a habit.
You need to actually make time to correct these habits. You need to put yourself in energetic rehab. Like, you need to shed that shit, and you need to work through it. You need to just, it's not something you're going to be able to do overnight, and things are just going to start coming up to be in the shower and be like, Oh yeah!
And like, it can be annoying, when it's something super, like, I don't know, like just, sometimes it's just stuff comes up and you're like, Oh, how did I not realize this before? And you just feel like an idiot. I know when I'm working with coaches, sometimes you're like, Oh, I feel so stupid, I didn't see this before.
But they see it. That's why you're paying them. It's like when I work with my clients, and it's like, well, you're only doing this because of this. Oh! That's what we pay for. We pay for people to keep us accountable. We pay for people to tell us what's going on with ourselves that we can't see. When you're already in it, like when you're in that war zone, and you're fighting, You need other people on your team to help you scout what's going on.
You need the recce. Okay, like you need a recce squad, you need a recce crew. You need to go in and they need to do recon. They gotta tell you what's up. Like, it's a team effort. There are some things that you can pull from this military analogy because it is a war zone out there, but it's also a war zone in here, in our head right now, all the time.
So, the more you can kind of sift through, And don't shame yourself for any of these beliefs because they've been instilled upon you because you accepted them and lived that way. There's nothing wrong with you, but you have the power to like say, well, you know what? I don't want to operate that way anymore.
Or if you like explode and get super defensive and then realize, Oh, you know what? Maybe I want to change my mind on that stance. Then you just sit with yourself and you know, take a deep breath, take a moment. I like my hand on my heart,
you know? I don't really like the way I reacted to that. I'm gonna try better next time. And even the way I deal with my kids. we have so much going on as mothers, as business owners. as Healing. Like, we have to be responsible for our own healing. And in order to do that, you need to start thinking about these things.
You need to open your mind to what the fuck is going on in there. And why it's going on. You might not understand everything, but start asking why more often. Right? Figure out what's going on in there because when you start to become more mindful and more aware of these patterns that you're doing, once you're aware of the pattern, it's easier to start changing that pattern.
And when you can start shifting that pattern of behavior, that's where big shifts happen in your life and in your business and where you can start trapping what you really want and stop replaying the same story over and over again, you got to knock all that shit down and rebuild from the ground up
ANd this is one of the reasons I am intentional on the daily.
This is why I like to reflect every single morning because when you first wake up, if you don't look at your phone and you just grab a scrap piece of paper and a pencil and just starting whatever comes to mind, start writing shit down, Over time you start seeing these same patterns and that's why I like to write random shit down in the morning in a journal.
I like to set my gratitude list because the more I see what I'm grateful for and the more I see where I'm at now and the more I see what my goals are when I look back on what I wanted then and where I'm at now is because I've mindfully set this intention of where I want to go and when you can see where you want to go it's easier to then Take that pattern of behavior, make the changes necessary and move on.
And it's that constant check in and evaluation and keeping yourself accountable without adding pressure. You just make it part of your morning thing where you get up. You kind of brain dump and you move on. And then I like to make a time at the end of the week where I kind of check in and brain dump where I'm at and usually that's with a walk or talking.
Talking it out really works for me too. When I just talk it out with a friend, it's like, how was your week? Like just reviewing where you're at and then. Open your notebook. And if you have like my mindful magic weekly planner, you'll have, would have gone through like your daily devotions and your week in review.
And it gives you an opportunity to kind of sit there and sit with yourself. And the more you hold yourself accountable, make a practice of checking in and understanding where these emotions come from, you have less blow ups. And then when you do have these blow ups and these things happen, you can assess, is this energy my own what's not working for me right now?
And that's how you create less stress. And that's how you can curate the chaos, and that's how you burn down the bullshit of those old stories and energies that no longer serve you, again, so you can move forward, knowing, with all knowing, that you've got this shit, try something new. And if it doesn't work for you, guess what?
You can change it, and do it all over again. Until next time much love, many blessings and have a magical day.
